it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
