Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
