So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
