So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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