He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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