I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
