I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
