dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
