If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
