Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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