Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
