with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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