I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
