my mouth tastes like poor choices
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
