We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
