Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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