Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
