Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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