why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
