She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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