you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just googled if crying burns calories
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize