mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize