Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
