just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize