You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
