So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
