Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
