Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize