i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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