I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
