I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
