Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
