You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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