I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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