I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
