So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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