i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
