Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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