This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
