I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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