my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
