Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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