Non-Jews are for practice
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
