Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
