Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
