oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm too high and old for this...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
