I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
