Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
