I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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