If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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