you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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