Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
