its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
