Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
