sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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