I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
