i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
