Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
