I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
