he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
