First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize