I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
