no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
