mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
