I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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