when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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