wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
