So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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